What a rainy day!
I woke up this morning and it's 9:00am and I found myself looking lying on our sofa. Then I saw my girl sitting beside me. She woke me up and asked me to it with her. I saw her pretty face, her smiling eyes that brighten up my day, her lips that tells me how she loved me.
We ate together and talked about our plans for today. Well, we have decided that we will play on our favorite place. We came to the mall and find our favorite spot. As hours passed by and we were still playing, we got a small quarrel and we decided to get out and eat.
She kept quiet and do not look at me until we arrived on a fast food chain. That attitude made me irritated and I got angry. Our quarrel got intense until we arrived to her house.
What should I do? what should I feel? I said sorry for what happened regardless who started it. She kept on saying "it's alright..." but that words do not get straight to my heart. I still felt that she was still mad at me and I don't what to do to say how much I'm sorry.
I just want to see her smile again...the smile that brightened up my day became a frown that darken up my night.
That night, as we were talking, there is a cool breeze and how I wish that it blows up the hotness on our arguments. We settled down and I accepted her "It's alright now.." attitude hoping that it's true.
I got my way to the office for my night shift work when suddenly it rained. Good thing that I was able to rode a jeep quickly.
The rain...it pours out from the sky with a heavy sound. My heart beats very fast just like the droplets touched the ground. What is this? I can hear my heartbeat saying that it's my fault again.
As I close my eyes, I can feel the pain coming from my heart, flowing into my nerves and into my head!
My mind kept on spinning very fast just like a disc on a player, thoughts kept on coming from nowhere and my mind wants to explode. I cannot comprehend those different thoughts but there is one thing that is clear to me...
I want to see that smile again...
Suddenly, the rain falls...yes, it is raining, but this time it's from the inside. I just found out that my heart is already crying just like a lonely kid not knowing what to do or where to go. The rain kept on falling, flooding my deepest feelings as it manifested in my very eyes. I got caught up by the rain when I'm near the office and I'm also caught up again from the inside.
It's hard that I knew her so much that I can say if everything's fine or if she still mad at me even if she said she's not or if she has not totally forgave me.
The hardest thing in my part is that I am very much affected when it comes to her. My heart slowly looses it's life as this quarrel takes longer and longer. Maybe she had forgiven me and it is ME that won't forgive myself. I want to see her now, I want to bring back the morning that I saw that beautiful smile as she woke me up.
As I look inside of me, I can see myself stranded on the dark woods of worries and loneliness. Running back and fort but finding himself on the same ground. I want to lie down but I can't. It's still raining, I can feel the coldness inside. I'm shaking just like an addict that can't have his drugs or just like a poor man sitting outside in the midst of a typhoon without any shelter or anyone with him.
I don't want to feel this way, I'm longing to see that bright day again, that smile that shines in the midst of great typhoon which make my day bright.
I miss her right now...I missed her charm, her naughtiness, her tenderness, her thoughtfulness...and the way she hugs me as her smooth and soft arms covering my body and making it warm in this rainy day...
I missed her smile...
I miss you honey... :'(
